Over the last year or so, I have had such a difficult time disciplining myself to have daily prayer and meditation. I want it to be a part of my life and I know it should be a part of my life, yet I will allow pretty much anything to disrupt that time. We hear about being a friend of Jesus and I truly have experienced the love of God in my life...but I am so easily sidetracked by the worries and anxieties of life that I just don’t take the time to pursue Him. There is also a part of me that is afraid of what I will find... A reprimand or maybe a call to be a missionary (please Lord no) I am not really sure sometimes what God would ask of me. But as I grow older and wiser, I am more assured in the fact that he created me to be me and my purpose and destiny will not be turning into someone I am not.
So with that said part of the goal in my 30 days of change is to sanctify a time to pursue that friendship with Jesus and learn to live better. I want to become the best version of myself in all areas physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. So this morning, I got out my journal and my bible. Before opening my bible, I just decided to write. For me, when I write, things are more real. I feel like I have a tangible record of my prayers, my thoughts and my growth as a person. Embarrassingly, sometimes my non-growth. It can be frustrating that I am still lamenting some of the same things that I was 10 years ago. But that’s another thought for another time.
In my prayer, I just asked that God would have something for me something for this day and I happened across Isaiah 30, particularly this verse just stood out for me,
"How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:19-21 partialI feel like a part of this prayer has already been answered. He is answering my prayers as soon as I ask. I have had to hit a place of finally giving in. Turning to him and saying--I don’t know how to do it. I dont have the strength on my own. I am confident that the things he has shown me even in the last two days are the voice of the Lord, saying "This is the way; walk in it"