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Sunday, June 01, 2008

The Cleanse

Okay. Its time to get real. The last 6 months have been somewhat of a joyride on the fat train and its time to get off. A stark reality hit me when my scale tipped to be what has now officially become my highest weight (outside of pregnancy). My starting stats: Height: 5'6 (1/2) Weight: 165 (I gained three pounds just yesterday...seriously). So, I am 28 years old and it is time to get my fat a$$ off the couch, my chubby little hands out of the chips and salsa and begin what will hopefully be my final journey back to my body.

So here is what I am starting today. The 2 week Whole Body Cleanse. I have always been intrigued when it comes to cleansing....but in all honesty somewhat scared to be sitting on the toilet for 2 weeks. I have now come to the point that I honestly welcome it! Bring on the flush...literally. Oh the innuendos!

I am cutting out caffeine, wheat, sugar and dairy for the next 2 weeks. Today has been okay because its day 1 and I have all the gusto in the world. My morning coffee with non-fat milk has been replaced with Detox-tea that tastes a bit like black licorice. Breakfast was a bowl of raspberries and blackberries with a tablespoon of flax oil and lunch was a grilled chicken salad from Chipotle (no dressing)...but I did have salsa, the grilled peppers, tomatos, corn and black beans. Dinner is yet to come and I think I am going to make a beef & vegetable soup with salad. I have also been drinking water all day.

So in an attempt to put myself out there and conquer my fears and anxieties, let me tell you the things I am scared about: First off - functioning without my morning coffee. I am an addict. Not sticking to the cleanse and gaining more weight. Doing the cleanse and then not getting on to a proper eating and excercise plan that I can stick with. Being in social settings where I am tempted to eat something outside of my plan. Not going to the gym.

So now that I have that on the table...a let me tell you a bit about myself and the world of skinny, fat, bad and good. I have a very interesting relationship with myself and my body. I define skinny as good and fat as bad. When I look back on my life the good times were when I was skinny (no matter what kind of crap was actually going on) and the bad is fat (or is it the fat is bad). Anyway, I have tried everything from the cabbage soup diet to weight watchers and although I have managed to lose weigh on all the plans I have tried, I also tend to sabatoge myself. When someone says"oh you look good, have you lost weight?" that seems to allow my inner voice to give me the golden ticket on the food train....I eat. I eat chips and salsa, guacomole, nachos, burritos....yeah I have a thing for mexican. Bread, fries, burgers, ice cream, pasta....okay you get the picture. Until. I have my "uh oh" moment and get back into the organic salad, fresh fruits and veges, grilled chicken, nuts, legumes and olive oil world. With that said, I know what it takes. I know what healthy looks like. It is not about being good or bad. It is not about being skinny or fat. It is about loving yourself enough to do the right things for your body. As much as this journey is about going to Fat and is about learning to love myself again. Learing to put my needs on the front burner and realizing that balance is how I will finally maintain my goals...not good and bad.

So...very lengthy first post. I had a lot of ground to cover. I am off to 4:30 yoga, on a sunday nonetheless. I will be back and I hope this blog continues on with a happy ending.

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