Half Way Update.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." James 12:11

Well it’s a little more than halfway through my challenge --17 days in to be exact and I have good news to report! First and foremost, I have more energy. Getting up at the crack (I mean the serious crack) is getting easier. It also only takes me 1.5 cups of coffee to come alive rather than my usual 3. AND I can now drink that first cup with my eyes open. So something interesting happened last week, my mom go admitted to the hospital late Sunday night. As the only child in Texas with a valid driver’s license not to mention over the age of 18, I became a regular visitor of Harris Methodist. In all honesty, it would have been completely easy and not unlike me to just say...you know what this is too hard, I'll start my challenge after she gets out and my life gets back to normal. Then proceed to eat mac and cheese from the cafeteria and stop by Target to pick up some red wine to eat with spaghetti. But in my ever increasing wisdom slash maturity I have realized that life never gets back to normal. There will always be something that comes up unexpectedly that gives us the excuse to stray from our way. That line of thinking is essentially what got me to wear I am. So I made a decision, I'm not going back; I don’t want to go back. I choose to move forward in my plan and stick to it. It's hard sometimes and a little painful honestly, but I know that remaining disciplined will produce that peace and results that I so badly want. Today, on day 17 I can say I made it. My mom is out of the hospital and I am ok. So--the results so far besides drinking coffee with my eyes open. I have lost 10 pounds! I can’t stress enough how much I love this Eat Clean Diet Recharged by Tosca Reno. I feel like it is the answer I have been searching for all of my life. Now I know this whole challenge isn’t just about eating, but that is a really big part of it for me. I will admit that I didn’t stick to the running--I barely had time to sleep, but last night I had a great run, 4 miles in 50 minutes (which is good for me) and it’s the weirdest thing, my favorite place to run is the cemetery behind our house. It’s so peaceful and it always causes me to reflect on life and the inevitability of death on this earth and how truly my only hope is in eternity with Christ. I know... that sounds crazy...I also think of my dad every time I run through there. He is not buried there, but I guess it’s just that quiet place among the trees and the graves that I can think of my dad in heaven and his life on this earth and all of the good memories I have of him. This post went to a random place that I wasn’t expecting, but there you have it. Things are well. Stay tuned for progress updates and picture posts about Wyatt…I promise!



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Eat Clean

I don't consider myself an "unhealthy" person...but I definitely make some unhealthy choices. I will admit my weight has fluctuated over the years and at various, how do you say...desperate times, I have tried almost every diet out there (South Beach, Weight Watchers, Cabbage Soup and the like). I actually do have a good foundation when it comes to nutrition and understand the importance of putting the right foods into your body, but I always seem to be missing the tools necessary to maintain a healthy eating plan! Especially working full time and constantly on the go.
As I continue to make my changes, I have finally come across a food plan that not only makes sense to me--but it’s realistic! Finally I can incorporate the nutrition I firmly believe in to a framework and guideline that’s relatively simple to follow. The Eat Clean Diet is the next change I am making. I actually discovered this book on day 1 of my 30 days of change and have been following it for the last three days. If my recollection serves me well, I have heard of this before but I guess I wasn't in the right mind-set to look at it as a viable option for me. It is key that you be ready to put in the required effort in to make the change! So, I feel so much better and it’s exciting to try new healthy recipes with food I didn’t know I could eat! Who knew you could have slow cooked Steal Cut Oats with Millet? ( I still want to know what that is....Zach said they used to grow it on the ranch and then turned into hay for wintering cows)? and ground Flax (which I put in smoothies and muffins), brown rice (that sounds like my dinner) and bee pollen (yes-I went there) for breakfast?
Every time I go into the bulk section at a store like Sprouts or Central Market, there are so many bins of food that I have no idea what to do with. They look healthy, but I felt so intimidated to buy them. I mean after all, I didn't name my child Moonbeam, I don't own Birkenstocks and we live in a neighborhood not a colony! Now I finally feel like I have a cookbook that is easy to follow with simple but delicious recipes that incorporate the so called mystery foods of the uber health conscious-- NO PhD in Nutrition necessary.

Highly recommend this book and the Eat Clean Diet Recharged for anyone looking to incorporate more nutrition and whole foods into their diet!





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30 days of change

I have just been unhappy with some things lately. Feeling unrested, unhealthy and unmotivated. Hoping to change those feelings with a 30 plan. 1. Run every day (even if its a mile). 2. No alcohol (yep--30 days and no wine for me). 3. Drink Green Tea every day. 4. Take my vitamins Every day (a huge challenge for me). and 5. Organic/Whole Food Challenge (see where I can incorporate more whole foods and less pre-packaged).
In addition...making a commitment to not shop at Target for 30 days.I am hoping for other side effects as well (I will journal, pray and meditate more)...Just be more content with me.

I am not someone who can just choose to be healthier. I need a plan. I need an outlined plan. So today is day one and so far I got up at 5:30---had my coffee (need to insert prayer, meditation in there soon). Laced up my shoes and out the door at 6:15 and proceeded to run 2 miles. Its a start. Its not training for a half marathon, its not running 6 miles, its 2 miles an attainable, realistic run that I could reasonable do everymorning. Right now 2 miles takes me about 25 minutes, so I plan to either add mileage or speed up my pace. Ideally I would like a 40 minute run each morning.

I took all of my products/vitamins this morning and have been drinking a ton of water. I had a protein shake for breakfast and plan to have a chargrilled chicken salad )chik fil a) for lunch (I'll do my green tea this afternoon). Its just time to slow down, focus and get healthy. I have alot of things going on this year and have hopes of making some other changes. But for now, this is where I am starting.

The reason for not going to Target is we have started a new family budget and for me...Target is a budget buster. If I go in fo groceries, I come out with two new shirts for me, a new dish for the kitchen, a toy for Wyatt and about 15 other items that I would have never bought had I just gone to Sprouts or Kroger. So, its just a commitment that for 30 days I wont go there. Anyway...I feel good. I feel excited for the changes that will occur over the next 30 days. Anyone want to join me on my journey? What are 5 small changes you could make for 30 days?


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Sabotage

Thats what I have been doing to myself. It all started with Wyatts Birthday party...2 weeks ago. A burger here a beer there, cheetos once and then chips and salsa the next day and then a bagel for breakfast and leftover mac and cheese for lunch. One unhealthy choice leads to one more. Each day I am determined to make better choices then I did the last day and then somehow my determination falls out the window. SO that brings me to today (by the way, I won't be wearing my skinny jeans to the John Mayer concert in 4 days). But today I can make healthy choices all day. I AM determined. SO its 8:45 am and here are my goals for the day. 1. GO TO THE GYM 2. HAVE A SMOOTHIE FOR BREAKFAST 3. HAVE A SALAD FOR LUNCH 4. FOLD AND PUT AWAY MY LAUNDRY and 5. TIDY UP THE HOUSE...okay so maybe now that I've yelled at myself, I will stick to this! No more sabatoge. I want my next post to be a good report.

Whats in your cart?

Wow. What a difference it can make to have the "right" foods on hand. I'll be honest, these last 2 weeks have been tough. A cheat here, a cheat there. Its like I didn't have all the right foods and then found myself eating completely off my plan! Nuggets and fries, mac and cheese, stuff that I don't really care about but just were easy to make. When I take the time to budget and plan for the right groceries, I eat so much better. But thats just it....budget and plan. Grocery shopping is where success starts. If I have cheetos...I eat them. I went to the store today, but I really want to go to Sprouts tommorrow for the double ad day. So I got a few things to help with my success for the day and after tommorrow I will be ready to tackle the next 14 days. My goal is to be 150 by August 1st (yes I have modified this a bit). I hit the gym today and ran 2 miles on the treadmill and did my upper body weights. So here is to getting back on track and acknowledging how easy it is to get off...even with the best intentions!

Independance

Happy 4th of July! As an American import...I am still getting used to doing my celebrating on the 4th instead of the 1st! A little shout out to Canada! Okay, so for the month of July, I have decided to stick to a no sugar, no dairy, no wheat diet. I do feel much better when I am eating this way and there are really only a few things from each category that I miss.
1. Fage yogurt.
2. Cheese strings were such an easy snack
3. A turkey sandwich.

So I am finding new foods to love and good snacks that are just as easy and completely satisfying. Yesterday I was at Costco and there was a promotional stand for Wonderbar Energy Bars and they are awesome! Gluten Free, HFC free, basically these bars are just the pure raw ingredients of nuts and fruit and they use raw honey to hold them together! So I am excited about these. They were a little pricey but work out to about $1.25/bar. They are a great meal replacement or after the gym snack.

So on to a little confession. I am not a purist on this plan. I am still allowing myself wine. I figure I can't be too extreme or I'll just set myself up for failure, you know? Secondly, I am back on caffeine. Even though I feel better and have more energy when I don't drink it, I just love that morning java...so. The small changes I have made, using rice milk in my coffee instead of skim. Ordering a half caff/half decaf when I have my afternoon starbucks craving. Just drinking water instead of pop or juice or even ice tea.

So now for the update on weight. I just weighed myself and the scale says 153.5. Yah! Progress. As soon as I get down to 147 I am buying myself a new pair of seven jeans! Thats 6 1/2 pounds away and hopefully I can get there by August 1st so I can buy those jeans before the John Mayer concert!! Haa haa. And one more update, when I was buying those bars yesterday, the guy said, "well you look like an athlete, you will really like these"....an athlete! My muscles are starting to show...hooray!

A good report

Well I got my lazy self out the door yesterday for a long walk around the neighbourhood. I ran some, but forgot my ipod in my car and my husband took my car....so that meant I didn't have my musical motivation or C2 5K program. In the evening I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the bike and my weights. I did pretty good with eating but had some nuggets and sundried tomato pesto fries for dinner. I need to get groceries, so I am out of lettuce and veges for my salads. I won't feel too bad about it though. The calories really weren't that bad. The bad news is that I have an extremely sore throat and I am worried I am getting sick. I need to stay on track this week!

A new day on the horizon

Isn't it fantastic that with every sunset we can look forward to a sunrise? I have to confess, I haven't exactly been healthy this weekend. It all started friday night with a family dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. Who can resist that delicious brown bread with butter? I did get the Luau salad (but ate the whole thing) which lets face it is probobly the size of salad I would make for a dinner party. But moving on to dessert...yah thats right I had dessert. Gourmet java icecream (but a small scoop)...see my "better" choices? Saturday. A new day. Well that was until we went to a birthday party and Wyatt wouldn't eat his cake...lucky thing he had a hungry mama to take care of that problem. So Sunday....what a beautiful day. Until we ordered fried zucchinni sticks at Red Robins. Well at least it was zucchinni right? Again I had salad, but then we went to the lake and guess what they sell? Dippin dots. Have you ever had those? Well I have now! Good, but not amazing. Icecream is better. SO one more confession...we watched The Other Boleyn Girl tonight and I had some serious sugar cravings, which upon reflection makes sense since I was stuffing my face with it all weekend...I had some carob almond rice dream icecream. But honestly, that fulfilled my final craving for the week. Thank goodness for Mondays and new days and new weeks. So I am ready to get back on track.

Sick day

So yesterday was the hardest day I have had yet. Let me go back to where it all probobly started. So on Wednesday I was feeling down because I dragged my butt at the gym (see previous post) so I did go to that Fusion class and worked my tail off. Probobly too hard because later that night I was laying in bed with a swollen left knee and frozen green beans to ease the pain. Fast forward to thursday morning, Wyatts first day of "school" and I have a whole day to myself. What do I do? Lay around feeling like crapola and read and have a nap. I was increasingly more and more tired as the day went on. But I figured I was just being lazy. My neck starts feeling achy and I was feeling so lethargic but I thought a good yoga class would cure me of that. I usually find that when I am being lazy, if I just get to the gym or my class I feel great once I get going. Let me tell you this was not the case. My stomach was in knots and I thought my downward dog was going to become a dead dog. Halfway through the class I ended up just having to roll up my mat and go home. I should have listened to my body and stayed home in the first place, but I just didn't want to accept that I needed a day off. As each limb got weaker and weaker and my stomach felt worse and worse, I realized that I had no energy to cook dinner so to Wendy's I went and got Wyatt a nugggies and oranges kids meal and me a side salad and ....baked potato with sour cream and butter....I am ashamed about that. But I just wanted some real sour cream. Then I got home and proceeded to eat half of a container (the small one though) of mint carob rice dream ice cream. Which fortunately has been in the freezer for weeks as my husband won't toouch the stuff. So that was my night. I had a hot epsom salt bath with towels around my neck and then snuggled into bed with my book Kabul Beauty School. My lesson learned from all of this is Listen to you Body!

Not always easy

I am just dragging my butt today. It took me over an hour and half this morning to get to the gym and even once I was there I stood for over 5 minutes organizing my ipod, magazine, water and towel before I actually started moving on the eliptical. I did 20 minutes instead of 30....like I said....dragging. I completed my weights as usual but I am highly considering going back tonight for the 5:30 Fusion (yoga/pilates) class. A little punishment for my lazy attitude (ha ha ha). I should go but honestly I wish I could just lay around all day and sleep and read a book. I just had a 45 minute nap and still feel just tired. I guess I have a lot to do and its all swirling around in my mind and I think its making me tired. Would someone please label my sons clothes, finish sewing his nap mat, draw up a lease for our new tenants and put my laundry away?? I guess I am not going to feel great every day! Energy, energy where have you gone?

On the positive side of life, I went to yoga monday, did another session of week 4 Couch 2 5K on tuesday, went to sewing class last night and did still make it to the gym today. Wyatt starts his Mothers Day Out tommorrow and I will have 5 whole hours to myself! Hmmm, suddenly I feel a little more energized. Maybe all it takes is a shift into the positive instead of dwelling on the "I don't wannas".

The Magic Number

I think every woman I know would like to lose about 10 pounds. I just did it. Now of course I would like to lose 10 more! After 2 weeks on the cleanse I am weighing in at 155. Now its time to lose the 10 hard pounds. These are pounds that I have been more or less carrying for the last 6 years (up here....down there). So this is it...the journey down to 145. I will admit I fell off the wagon on the weekend. Yesterday we celebrated Fathers Day and my mom's birthday and I had cake and icecream and whip cream. It wasn't even that good but I figured after 2 weeks of cleansing I could use a little treat. Even though I tried to eat it "guilt free" I had a hard time with that (I am still feeling guilty). I just wish I had a bowl of berries instead...oh well a lesson for the future. I would like to get down to 153 this week so I plan on sticking to my eating plan....no wheat, dairy or sugar. I did add back the coffee though and am using rice dream instead of milk. Quite honestly though, I feel more tired now that I am back drinking coffee....weird?

Cool Running

I feel accomplished this week. Yesterday I got out my trusty ipod and wheeled that awesome jogging stroller that has been collecting dust these days to the great outdoors. I have frequently started this program called Couch to 5K and I am determined to get through it this time. I played week 4 yesterday and off I went up and down the streets of my lovely neighbourhood. I thought I might pass out in those first few minutes of running, but I didn't! And guess what? I ran 16 minutes yesterday! It felt great. I was so proud of myself for not only lacing up those shoes, but for getting out there and completing the task. No excuses. Honestly, this has been a great week at the gym and I have managed to go everyday this week. I have upped my cardio to 30 minutes and complete that on the eliptical or the bike. I did two yoga classes this week and I can already feel that my body is becoming stronger and more flexible.

And, since I am so curious I took my measurements today. I am slimming down and I am happy to report the following:

Bust: 36 1/2

Waist: 30

Hips: 40

I am really not that far off from my goal (35, 27, 38). I think if I can just really make this a lifestlyle change and put my nutrition, excercise and health as a top priority, all of the other things in life seem to fall into place.

I feel like in these last 2 weeks I have become a better more attentive mother and a better wife. I just feel like a better version of myself --striving to find balance and striving to find the me that I know I am somewhere in there. There are still some areas that I need to work on, like my spirituality and cutting out the life toxins (which for me are gossip magazines and spending too much mindless time on the computer) but I know these will come. They are already starting to become less interesting. As I get one area on track I will have the headspace to work on the next.

So tommorrow I weigh in, but I am trying to remind myself the scale is just a number and right now, I know how I feel. I feel accomplished, proud, strong and healthy. That matters more to me then what the scale says...but hey it won't hurt if I have dropped a few more pounds ;)

Catching up

Well I've dropped the ball a little bit on my posting this week...but in my defense, I've had a busy week and I have been to the gym everyday so far (yes its Wednesday). So just a little catching up. I can't believe how great I feel. I don't know if I can say this enough, but this is not like any "diet" I have ever been on! I have energy and I feel good! Some of the highlight meals of the week include this awesome chicken breast from sprouts that we grilled on the BBQ, a red cabbage salad that I made up. Basically the ingredients are: Red Cabbage, celery, one zucchinni (raw), a handful of raw cashews and Newmans Balsamic Vinagrette. It was so good and totally filling. Last night I made pasta for the family and substiuted my noodles for a spaghetti squash. I cut the squash in half and roasted it on 375 for about 45 minutes. It was delish. SO there are 5 days left in my cleanse...but I am not ready for this to end. I may add back coffee and try it with rice milk instead of regular milk. Other then that...I am just going to keep eating like this. Its not hard if you are prepared and since its Wednesday I am off to sprouts later for double ad day to get all of my healthy foods on sale. I picked up some raw pumpkin seeds this week along with the cashews and a trail mix. I just realized that I could probobly have a glass of unfiltered apple juice if I wanted, so I will pick up more of that. Tomatoes are kind of out right now because of the whole salmonella thing, but other then that...bring on another week!

Weighing in

So one week has passed since I have started this cleanse. Weigh-in day...157 lbs. That is 8 pounds in one week! Granted alot of it is probobly water, but I feel great! I am surprised I am surviving without coffee for one. And honestly in comparison to all of the other diets I have done, I do not feel hungry or shaky or weak. I have more energy and can complete my full workouts at the gym. So this has been a good week and I know I will be able to complete this next week. I am seriously seriously considering making this way of eating a part of my lifestyle. Maybe I have wheat issues? Haa haa similar to my weight issues.

My daily routine is basically get up at 7:30 ish, have my detox tea and a bowl of berries or some other type of fruit. Head to the gym and do a one hour workout (either a class or cardio and weights). I would stay longer but they have one hour maximum on the the nursery for the summer. Get home, have lunch which has been a salad with either tuna or chicken or turkey. Snack on fruits and veges throughout the day. Drink lots of water. Take my cleanse pills (obviously) and make a fairly normal dinner. Last night I made roast with wild rice, roasted zucchinni and a big salad. Oh another good snack is a sesamee tahini rice cake with almond butter. That definately helps me get through those moments where you just need a good snack. I am a peanut butter lover, but almond butter...I am hooked!

Another thing I have been doing is alternating hot water and ice cold in the shower. I read that is good for circulation.

Well today is going to be a bit of a me day. I started sewing so I am going to be cutting patterns this afternoon. Happy weekend!

On the road again

I tend to be on the road a fair amount. Whether its the 40 minute drive to my moms house or the 4 hour drive to Oklahoma. We live in Texas but have a rental house up there in Okie land. So, yesterday we had to make the 4 hour journey up there and the 4 hour journey back. I tried to plan ahead and brought a cooler with apples, trail mix, and water. But inevitably, we are stopping to eat. So. This is where my complaint comes. Why can't you get what you ask for? Its hard enough to make the right choice as it is. Obviously a bacon cheeseburger sounds better then a garden salad (well actually right now it doesn't). But my point being to order a salad with grilled chicken, no crutons, no cheese....how hard is it? So guess what, my salad comes with cheese. Now of course I already felt like I was being the pain of the table so I ate it...trying to avoid the cheese. But what if I had an allergy? I actually didn't notice the cheese until a few bites in. Its really hard to stick to your plan when you are eating out and on the road, even with the best of intentions.

Then comes dinner. After a long day of tying up loose ends, running errands and keeping Wyatt busy while Zach mowed the lawn....I am tired and could easily order a taco or be tempted to say, lets just go out for Mexican...but I don't. Arby's on the road because Wyatt is asleep in the car. I order the chef salad-with grilled chicken, no cheese, no crutons. What do I get? Breaded chicken! Again. I didn't do anything about it. I ate it. But I was so disappointed. I try and take the necessary steps to ask and order what I can have and somehow it never comes out right. Even Wyatts meal was wrong, chicken tenders with a fruit bowl instead of fries. What does he get? No fruit. Lots of fries. Are people so automatically trained to put the unhealthy option in the bag that even when we order healthy choices, we still get the unhealthy? I know people make mistakes sometimes. But 2 strikes....I am out.

The only way to ensure you are putting the right thing in your body is eating it home and making it yourself.

Emotional overload

Something interesting happens when you are not stuffing your emotions with food....all of those emotions, thoughts, feelings, fears, anxieties, stresses, etc. come out. I just had an extremely emotional night. But it was good. I talked it out. I got all of this stuff of my chest that I have been carrying around. Stuff I didn't want to admit or talk about. So not only is this a cleanse for my physical body, but it turns out my mind and spirit are getting a little of it too! Interesting. This is just a short post tonight but I wanted to add that losing weight is also about losing baggage.

I'm not even hungry!

Have you ever read the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar? You know he eats and eats through everything....sometimes I can relate to that little guy. Well alot of the time I can relate to that little guy. I can have this never ending appetite. Honestly, its probobly nut hunger but boredom eating, emotional eating, social eating or some kind of other mindless eating. This mindless eating is what got me into this mess in the first place. But something strange is happening, as I am mindful of what is going into my body and focusing on what I am eating and planning healthy meals, I am not that hungry. I am completely surprised that I have no urge to devour anything right now! Apart from the nap I needed again this afternoon, I think this is a pretty good day.

First off, I stayed at my moms last night and discovered the most amazing treat. Frozen fruit blended in the Vitamix with a dash of raw coconut oil and water. It was better then gelato and so satisfying....mmmm. I had raspberries, mango and strawberries last night and mango, pineapple this morning. I really want a Vitamix now....along with a bike and new digital camera a vw jetta wagen and a pair of jeans that fit but happen to be 2 sizes smaller than I currently am. Is that too much to ask?

On to the rest of my day. I have taken a liking to peppermint tea (well I have always liked it-I have just started drinking it again). I had tuna salad again for lunch. I know I am not being uber-creative here....but I am just getting into this whole cleanse thing. Speaking of the cleansing process, honestly I have not experienced any of the "bad"...how do we say diarrhea politely? Yah. This is really nothing to be scared of. Honestly I imagined a cleanse would have me doubled over and upside down on the toilet for 2 weeks....everything is all pretty normal. But enough about that.

Dinner. Pomegranate Tea from Barnes and Noble... Yummmmmy-and half a bag of pumpkin seeds. A part of me really wishes I was back at my moms mixing up a berry vitamix concoction and I am tempted to try it in my cheapo blender but I have a feeling it might not be the same. Honestly I know I should eat a proper dinner but its 9:30 and I just got home from my first sewing class (yes sewing) and I am not even hungry! Hence the title of the post. This is a real shocker for me... so maybe this cleanse is shrinking my stomach (the part I can't see-wink wink). Hopefully by the end of it, the stomach I can see will be much smaller! I am slightly horrified and pretty much look about 5 months pregnant right now....but I digress.

I will focus on the positive and the positive is I am cleansing and finally getting on the bandwagon of health and fitness. I saw a magnet at Barnes and Noble today and for some reason it just resonated with me today.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly." ~unknown

Hiding the scale

Hi. My name is Kristin and I am addicted to ...my scale. I can't stop weighing myself. My scale controls my thoughts. I wonder what I weigh first thing in the morning, I need to check what I weigh after lunch, before bed, in the middle of the night. Okay I don't weigh myself in the middle of the night, but I am surely thinking about it. I think I have a problem and the sad thing is that everytime my scale doesn't give me the magical gift of a pound lost. I am ticked. It can ruin my entire day, week, month...which in turn triggers the devil inside of me that says one more cookie won't really matter, one more handful of chips won't really matter, but guess what, it does matter! I am living proof that small cheats, indulgences, not staying on track can add up to one shocking day and it can really matter when your scale shows you a number you've never seen before! So my new solution - hide the scale in my closet. No more hourly updates on my diet progress.

Now I do need to weigh in once a week, but for all other days the scale is off limits. I actually put the scale away last night, but like a true addict, I needed one more weigh this morning. The good news is I am down to 162. Thank you scale!

Onto my day, it has been good so far. I got up at 7:30 this morning went to 8:30 pilates and did a few lower body weights afterwards. I had berries and flax oil again for breakfast and a tuna salad for lunch. I am really not sure what I am having for dinner, probobly chicken breast with more salad and more broccoli. The cleanse is not "crazy" like I was worried about, so day 2 is totally great and apart from feeling somewhat tired and slightly fantasizing about a nice big fat cup of coffee, I am doing good. I plan to go for a walk later tonight and crank out 100 sit-ups (I have already done 50). So thats my day. I have taken my 4 fiber pills this morning which is a real miracle that I am taking these pills as directed. After today only 12 days to go on the cleanse....not bad...not bad at all.

The Cleanse

Okay. Its time to get real. The last 6 months have been somewhat of a joyride on the fat train and its time to get off. A stark reality hit me when my scale tipped to be what has now officially become my highest weight (outside of pregnancy). My starting stats: Height: 5'6 (1/2) Weight: 165 (I gained three pounds just yesterday...seriously). So, I am 28 years old and it is time to get my fat a$$ off the couch, my chubby little hands out of the chips and salsa and begin what will hopefully be my final journey back to my body.

So here is what I am starting today. The 2 week Whole Body Cleanse. I have always been intrigued when it comes to cleansing....but in all honesty somewhat scared to be sitting on the toilet for 2 weeks. I have now come to the point that I honestly welcome it! Bring on the flush...literally. Oh the innuendos!

I am cutting out caffeine, wheat, sugar and dairy for the next 2 weeks. Today has been okay because its day 1 and I have all the gusto in the world. My morning coffee with non-fat milk has been replaced with Detox-tea that tastes a bit like black licorice. Breakfast was a bowl of raspberries and blackberries with a tablespoon of flax oil and lunch was a grilled chicken salad from Chipotle (no dressing)...but I did have salsa, the grilled peppers, tomatos, corn and black beans. Dinner is yet to come and I think I am going to make a beef & vegetable soup with salad. I have also been drinking water all day.

So in an attempt to put myself out there and conquer my fears and anxieties, let me tell you the things I am scared about: First off - functioning without my morning coffee. I am an addict. Not sticking to the cleanse and gaining more weight. Doing the cleanse and then not getting on to a proper eating and excercise plan that I can stick with. Being in social settings where I am tempted to eat something outside of my plan. Not going to the gym.

So now that I have that on the table...a let me tell you a bit about myself and the world of skinny, fat, bad and good. I have a very interesting relationship with myself and my body. I define skinny as good and fat as bad. When I look back on my life the good times were when I was skinny (no matter what kind of crap was actually going on) and the bad is fat (or is it the fat is bad). Anyway, I have tried everything from the cabbage soup diet to weight watchers and although I have managed to lose weigh on all the plans I have tried, I also tend to sabatoge myself. When someone says"oh you look good, have you lost weight?" that seems to allow my inner voice to give me the golden ticket on the food train....I eat. I eat chips and salsa, guacomole, nachos, burritos....yeah I have a thing for mexican. Bread, fries, burgers, ice cream, pasta....okay you get the picture. Until. I have my "uh oh" moment and get back into the organic salad, fresh fruits and veges, grilled chicken, nuts, legumes and olive oil world. With that said, I know what it takes. I know what healthy looks like. It is not about being good or bad. It is not about being skinny or fat. It is about loving yourself enough to do the right things for your body. As much as this journey is about going to Fat and Back...it is about learning to love myself again. Learing to put my needs on the front burner and realizing that balance is how I will finally maintain my goals...not good and bad.

So...very lengthy first post. I had a lot of ground to cover. I am off to 4:30 yoga, on a sunday nonetheless. I will be back and I hope this blog continues on with a happy ending.